Forward Ho!

Both blessed & cursed with the passage of time
I find myself lost in my everlovin’ mind
panning for gold in a silver mine,
untamed & indiscreet,
travelling on a one-way public street
angling toward a head-to-head meet & greet
somewhere between birth & death

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My responses to the Pulse Nightclub killings – 2016 – just came across this in my Documents

50 Dead 12 June 2016

Tragedy struck too close to home this morn
hitting the national news in my own backyard
dubbed “the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history”
– 50 dead & ‘countless’ injured, by the latest tally –

 

Hearts Torn Apart 12 June 2016

Whose child was this
Whose friend
Brought to such an untimely end

 

12 June 2016 Never Again

Whether hate crime or terrorism
an unforgiveable act
it’ll go down in history
as a day we must never reenact

 

When? If Ever

It feels like a home invasion
… so emotionally violated
How long ‘til the trauma passes…
and I’m back in my comfort zone

 

Not a Child Anymore

I’ll worry every time you step thru that door
… more than ever before
I have a personal stake in your safety
… knowing I can’t shelter you every minute
wanting to as I always have

Self-Portrait 2018

I’m both cynical & skeptical
often hard to please
timid to a fault
& set in my ways
I don’t cook
I don’t clean
& I don’t care anymore
Seemingly unable to right the wrongs
don’t feel much like I belong
So tired of struggling with life

Malicious thoughts circling the drain
counting down from zero to oblivion
unskilled in the ways of the world as I view it
scavenging for footholds
on a righteous path to glory
Feeling contentious & incomplete
with the sting of defeat
I’m wracking my brain for results
to cancel out nagging doubt
preying on my humanity

Hold me tight my Darling
to be warmed by your loving touch
Without you my existence would hold scant meaning
At this fork in the road
which way do we best go on this unfamiliar terrain
Planning demands an abundance of time
& god only knows what the future holds
impractical dreamer that I am
exploring the perilous depths of my soul

Self-Portrait 1986

I’m an outcast
I’m a survivor
I’m an actress
I’ve a role to play
I’m convincing
I’m a charlatan
I conceal myself
in search of another
in need of each other
Or am I a chameleon
changing my colors
Or shall I be
what you would have me be
As if corralled
though I still have a choice
but have I the desire
of a need for change
shall I accept my fate
shall I make my fate
wielding weapons
not against myself
not alone
without compromise
singlehandedly
ruled not by the heart
without emotion
nor lack of love

from “Self-Portrait: All Our Faces & A Few Stray Thoughts” © 1998

Daddy’s Little Girl

Daddy passed away when I was just a shy child of 9.
My own best friend ‘til high school,
I was responsible for my own defense.
Siblings were the mainstay of my playmates.
Since then friends have come and gone.
Loyalties came and went.

I’ve spent a lifetime questioning
the validity of my choices,
struggling for comprehension of my plight.
If not for my son and Robert,
I doubt I’d have survived
the complexities of my existence.
And to this very day, I keep tumbling with the tides.